I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize