Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
