I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
two words...techno handjob
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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