Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
