New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
