It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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