I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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