im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
