just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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