i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
