So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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