my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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