this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
