Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
