I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
