im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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