Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
