God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
