Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
