i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
