u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
