The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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