The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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