at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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