the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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