i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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