Non-Jews are for practice
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
