I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
