i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
