I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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