She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Mom said you looked used
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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