Moan for me like Helen Keller
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think a kid would responsible me up
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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