if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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