it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
