i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
