I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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