who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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