well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Acid is not a monday night drug
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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