definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just want to make out with him forever
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
