I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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