i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
