Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
