His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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