My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
