Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
