I'm sorry my penis didn't work
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
