Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
