my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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