i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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