I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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