Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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