There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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