i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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