Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
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The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
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We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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