you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
