I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
