yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
