I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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