Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
