So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
