There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
