my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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