btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i was born a porn star she said
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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