Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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