Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
