In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
